i never really liked

my name 

much

until i found out 

what it tastes like 

when you sigh it 

into my

mouth

I am trying to say all of this in the nicest, most professional way. I mean no disrespect to anyone, but some people just don’t understand the way a lot of things work in the food and beverage industry. And they should, because really, who doesn’t utilize the F&B industry?

• We tip other people out. Like kitchen staff, and hostesses, and bartenders, and bussers. We can lose upwards of $40 a night (usually more), just from tip outs. If you don’t tip us, we are paying to serve you.
• Also please teach your children to tip. One day you are going to send them out into the world, and in that world, servers need to make money. Just like you.
• The most basic pay for a server is minimum wage. Less, if you work with liquor.
• You came to our place of work. Don’t get annoyed with us when we come to check on you/your meal/your experience. That is what we are being paid for. We are doing our job.
• We do not come up with the prices. It is one thing to point out if they are high (we will probably agree with you), but if you keep it going for longer than that initial reaction period, all you’re doing is making us uncomfortable. There is nothing we can do or say at this point to make you feel better, but you can make us feel better by not continuing.
• Your screaming child does not make anybody happy. We’re sorry that they’re upset/hungry/tired/just shit their pants, but that is not anybody’s problem but yours. If your child is old enough to talk, they are old enough to understand manners and how to behave in public. If they cannot behave this way in public, please remove them from said public until they can calm down. This isn’t just for us either, it is also for the customers around you, we don’t want their dining experience to be negative because of something that was entirely out of our control.
• Please do not let your children wander off without guidance. They are little, and if we can’t see them we might fall on them while carrying a tray of glasses/several plates. We’ll feel terrible, but you’ll get mad at us anyways, even though there should not be children running around at our feet.
• Sometimes things get screwed up. We’re sorry. They are honest mistakes and yes, we should try harder to avoid them, but sometimes it is really hard. You can’t tell us you’ve never made a mistake while on the job, in some form or another. You definitely can’t tell us that someone else has not made a mistake that has affected your job. We understand we just ruined your meal, but we are doing everything in our power to fix things for you, we’d appreciate it if you could cut us a little slack. We feel bad enough as it is.
• If I am at your table and person ‘A’ asks me for something, and you are going to need something by the time we leave and get back to your table, please ask while we are there talking to person ‘A’. Do not wait until we have just returned with whatever person ‘A’ wanted, and then ask. We probably do not have time to keep running back and forth just to your table.
• We have other customers. Yes, you are important. But so is everyone else.
• We have other customers. If you are not ready to order, please do not tell us that you are and then have us stand there while you continue to read the menu.
• Splitting your bill is usually a huge pain in the ass at the end of the meal. We have to remember again what you’ve had, the 2 beers, 3 different cocktails, appetizer, and main course. And then that again for all of your friends. It also takes up a lot of time, and when there are only a couple POS machines (those computer things we ring all your orders in on), other servers have to wait to ring their orders in while we separate your bill into 6 parts. We don’t mind doing it, but please ask us at the beginning of your night, so we can keep track the whole time.
• No, your dog cannot come on the patio. That’s against food and safety and we thought everyone knew that. Sorry that he doesn’t like being alone on the other side of the fence, but maybe you should have left him at home where he could eat his own food and play with his toys.
• You don’t have to feel that you need to be cut off in order for us to cut you off. If we think you have had enough, that’s that. You are not going to convince us of otherwise by cursing, yelling, or calling us names. 
• We can get fined (as a server, and establishment), fired and go to jail for serving an intoxicated person, a minor, or anyone who looks underage and doesn’t have their ID. If you wanted a drink that badly, you should have brought your ID. We are not getting a record just because you want to have a beer.
• Don’t touch our tray. We know how to balance it exactly the way it is. If you do anything to screw that up, there could be an entire tray full of drinks on your and it wouldn’t even be our fault.
• Don’t take your shitty life out on us. We’re sorry that you had a bad day at the office/home/whatever, and we’d love to make your night just a little bit better, but we can’t do that if you’re treating us like shit, and making our day just as bad as yours.
• We are human beings too.
• We are human beings too.
• We are human beings too.

It’s still doesn’t make sense to me. And it’s hard that you’re not here. It’s even harder that I’m not there surrounded by the fam when I have these moments. No one here knows you. No one here knows how hard it is to not be able to talk to you anymore, or get your random pictures, or mix CD’s. No one here understands how much you meant to me because no one here knows what an incredible human being you were. Which means no one here can help me at all when everything hits me all over again.

Why isn’t pizza stuffed with chicken nuggets a thing yet?

Oh my god, chicken nugget stuffed crust pizza.

I’m going to be famous.

• I took my dad to Jubilation’s tonight, Big Boom Theory. It was such a good show. I had so much fun.
• Sheldon reminded me of my friends boyf, and Leonard of a coworker of mine, so I just kept seeing them singing and dancing which made the whole show even funnier.
• It is unbelievable how much a little bit of fun improves my entire life.
• I love spending time with my dad. I can’t get over how much alike we are.
• I have such a good relationship with both of my parents and I am so happy and thankful for that. Idk what I would do without either of them.
• If you have never been to Jubilation’s, GO. I have been to two shows now and it is seriously just the best time imo.
• Now I am going to watch Supernatural because I guess that is a thing that I started last night? 
• And I am going to feel all the feels because Tumblr has prepared me for heartbreak.

• My dad and I are going to see Big Boom Theory @ Jubilation’s tonight
• I am very excited but I have not yet gotten out of bed
• WHOOPS
• I am so good at wasting entire days away
• I don’t even know how I do it either